Not with eloquence

I’m not nearly as eloquent or poetic as David. When I put my thoughts into words, it tends to sound more like a “stream of conciousness” exercise. So be prepared in advance- this might not be too literate, but perhaps you will be able to see between the lines, a little, into my heart.

"Last Sunday was an unusual service, but so awe-fully beautiful. It began with testimonies of the people to be baptised. I want to put into words how it affected me. So many thoughts came to my mind as I sat between my husband and my father, like my future and my past, surrounding me with a cloud of undeserved love. The first testimony, of a man who once belonged to the church I did my early growing in, was heartbreaking and praise inspiring at the same time. Tears came to my eyes as he confessed his struggles with difficulty, as he spoke through his own tears. Struggles I have seen in the my family, in my life. And I couldn’t help but smile as his voice became more steady when he testified how coming to know Christ through his wife and dear friends, lifted him out of a pit of depression. He has hope now. He’s been freed from slavery to sin. My heart swells praise to God for him and his family, as well as for the other families represented, whose roads to faith brought them tears and laughter of relief from the burden life without hope in Christ.

Baptism. I wanted to go, jump in the water, and be baptised again, as I saw them step tentatively in and emerge, like newborn babies, soaking wet and fully alive. Like marriage, baptism is not the point at which you and your Savior become one. It is that nearly indescribable moment when you feel your heart come alive with the love his grace rains down on you. David and I felt married in our hearts long before our wedding ceremony, but we rejoiced in ceremony to testify that love and share our commitment in a cloud of witnesses who would remind us, should we ever seem as though we might go astray. Perhaps like our wedding nite, is the first communion after baptism with the new believer. A physical consummation of that commitment to serve the Savior, partaking of his body and his blood that he shed on the cross. But we are his bride and he has not yet come for us, so perhaps this is not accurate, for there is yet to be a marriage supper and afterwards our bodies with be fully one, in the same flesh of his kingdom. Sometimes the parallels that appear in my mind don’t make sense to anyone but me.

After the baptisms, my emotions were so fragile, the song that was played, unbiddenly brought me to tears so heavy that I couldn’t blink them back and could only bow my head and allow them to drip, unprevented to the floor, as the music and the long-known words to “Near the Cross” washed over my heart and mind. I haven’t cried during a church service in a long time. I haven’t really been too emotionally affected by a service in a long time. I stopped worrying about it several months ago. I’m glad God chose to use this one. My heart felt broken, but more alive than it has for awhile."

There's more in the wings. But that's all the vulnerability I can dare for now.